when it rains it pours... and a bucket don't do sh%$

So... I hereby recant anything I have said about food prostitution and wanting a day off because it looks like I'll be having several days to weeks off... That's right folks... the restaurant has been flooded.

This picture is was taken as the water started to slow in flow. If you look at the upper right you can see some of it still falling down. They had tried to catch the water in 60 gallon garbage cans which filled up in minutes...

Shall I tell the story? Too bad, I'm going to anyway. At approximately 1 o'clock yesterday I arrived at my place of employment, the Lost Dog Cafe to say hello as I was heading next door to the Hair Company to have this mop of a lion's mane soothed. I was in mid-snippage when one of the other managers came rushing over to ask me for a key to a room on the fourth floor of the building as there was a water leak and they thought it was coming from the top floor all the way down... I explained that I didn't have the key but there was a spare in a key box we have in our office. A few minutes later in rushes, Ms. McKenna, one of the owners yelling, "Megan, Megan you have to see this, it's insane, it's raining in the restaurant, there's so much water!" Thinking that there was a leak I shrugged and thought, 'why don't they just get a bucket?' Then a patron came through the Hair Salon and said it was absolutely insane in there and that water was just gushing all over. Then the fire department ordered the building evacuated. Mind you, my hair was still being cut and still needs some work but was nicely evened out and yes, looks awesome! I walk over and stood there in utter disbelief. There was water falling from the ceiling the length of the place (and it is not small...) It looked as if Katrina was happening again but only inside this building. The wrath of god poured down... take that how you will. Some helpful interpretations: the building is crying because X (employee) is moving, the building was angry, like a cranky old lady with a runny nose, or as a cook stated to facebook: the building was pissing on us... the real reason: the landlord does not heat the empty 4th floor and a water main/part of the sprinkler system exploded.

Right now it is difficult to assess total damages- everything is not dry yet. Today management met and we tried to start compiling lists of things that are wrong and may need to be replaced, and start organizing what to do when, who to call... It's all very overwhelming. Most of the refrigeration units/freezers, compressors for all the coolers, computer systems, printers, bar equipment, etc... It's early to say for certain but the hardwood floors look like they are starting to buckle in spots (which may settle by next week once all the water is out, which is good news), the leopard print wall is peeling ever so slightly, the white tile walk ways are buckling, the new counters behind the bar are bubbling... the Earth mural the LDC has had in every restaurant since it's inception in 1994 is looking a little rough... The restaurant had 4+ inches of water covering the floor, there was water flowing down the 4 flights of stairs like a waterfall, water was pouring out of windows on the higher floors, and the basement had over a foot of water in some spots. Having worked for the LDC since 1996, it was sad and painful to see the labor of love that is most of our second homes sink like Atlantis.

The community has been very kind. People have called offering a hand from a number of places including customers, friends of the LDC, bands, distributors. Thank you! The Kilmer Brasserie brought us over lunch today which was both delicious and very helpful. I'm very grateful to live in a place where the community can pull together in times of need and we are all very ecstatic to have the support. The plus side to this whole debacle was seeing staff members that weren't even working come down to offer a hand and try to salvage anything we could, it really reminds you how much we are all part of something and how important the place is not just in terms of being part of the community and a local business as opposed to a chain but also how everyone there really treats the establishment like home and when the family needs help we get it out there. We have a great staff. In terms of reopening-- we don't know as I said, how long it will be. I can say we've had estimates from 10 days to over a month. We are a small local restaurant but we do employ 40 people... Right now everything is a blur as everyone is slightly nervous and anxious to figure out what we can do to get us up and running again. I'll keep you posted.

Ah and a little humor: The Press and Sun Bulletin- the world's easiest to read newspaper- reported that I stated I had 2 children, ages 10 and 17. They meant to have quoted a co-worker who actually has children. I do not have children! I am 27- a 17 year old kid?! A lot of people have gotten a kick out of this and even congratulated me and said,"Wow we never knew you had kids!" That's because I don't!!! To read the article and humor yourself while trying to imagine me with kids, click this link: http://www.pressconnects.com/article/20100114/NEWS01/1140400/Broken+water+pipe+closes+Binghamton+restaurant

I'll keep you updated... until then... this is Scrappy Signing off.

annoying things in email and a top hat

I hate it when I open my email and see something titled "Job Offer" and it is some probably non-existent company, trying to get me to take surveys and participate in focus groups. FOCUS?! I can't even focus on my life for more than 25 minutes let alone a product... I doubt I'd be trying any products I'd deem worth evaluating... I wonder how many little kids in China that make that shit get to participate in surveys and focus groups about these products? I think they should get the job offers first seeing as how you can make up to $550/week (supposedly), then maybe they wouldn't have to work in factories.

Another annoying thing is of course the general spam. I don't know what I have done to receive so many ads for viagra. I assure you dear scammers, I do not need viagra.

I have also apparently won the UK lottery about 200 times (no joke) and have several unknown relatives from Hong Kong and Cape Town that have kicked it and left me fortunes. Uhm? I am not saying it's impossible that I have relatives in these places but I am fairly certain it is not so... Not only that but why the hell would they leave me any money? What I feel bad about is people that actually respond to that crap and get their credit card or social security numbers stolen and utilized. I know this happens only because someone I know (and no, I wasn't friends with this person) actually did this and received a check which was of course, fake... This is America people, money never just gets handed to you! I can't believe people actually fall for that nonsense.

I was telling a friend yesterday that I am interested in re-vamping my style by constantly donning a top hat. Her response was that then people would expect me to talk fancy all the time because I'd look fancy. I tried to argue at first that I did in fact "say fancy shit all the time." Cursing is apparently not fancy. Then I tried to argue that I could defy convention and curse like a truck driver while wearing a top hat. To which she stated, "abort" but mainly because if I should have to start talking fancy she might and she doesn't want to. I'm still considering the top hat though... fancy talk or not. I mean I think she just likes to use the word "abort" because I once asked her and my fellow charming co-workers to write down one sentence each re: a really hectic night at work. Since for whatever reason, there were a lot of children that particular day, many of which were also poorly behaved and ended up sitting in her section (which then looked like hippie jamboree), she wrote,"ABORTION!!!"

Stolen From Google:

Note I am not naming her because well, she's since "moved up" in the world (read: she has to get up 'stupid- early' BOO!) as many slingers o' food and charm do... after having precisely that thought about 5 million times, and not always re: children.

Yeah and I've lost you...

It's a New Year!(?) (But I keep writing the date wrong.)

Lately i've been less than compelled to do much of anything. I'm not depressed or in a sullen state of sorts if that's what you're wondering- I don't get the winter blues. I LIKE THE WINTER!!! I think I had school-is-over crash and as a result, have been compelled to rebel against anything that says I have to do anything. Another dilemma being I've (some what) reverted to being 14 and thinking being a rock star was a better career choice after all. I can't even try to talk myself out of that one, because spending days anti-social and holed up with my piano and guitar (and Rogue) are satisfying even if I spend 8 hours perfecting one particular part of a song and don't really accomplish much at all. Hey, it's cheaper than seeing a movie.

I've also been doing the quitting smoking thing which is trying at times. Some days I don't smoke at all, others I have one or two. Much better than the 30 or so I was convinced I had to have to be alive two weeks ago. Oh and since I never followed up: I don't really drink much at all these days. I am not certain I made it 30 days without a drop of wine but I think I did a pretty good job of training myself to not drink a magnum at a time. I still like a nice bottle of bordeaux with a meal... and I do mean a bottle.

I've had a few ideas lately for artistic projects and have been slowly working on fulfilling those. It's been a long time since I've had the time or tenacity to focus on detail and it is reassuring in a good way to cut, paste, glue, scribble, color, sketch, mold, manipulate and wire some resemblance of life together in a quaint (read: strange) creation of sorts. It's liberating. It makes me wonder why we bother living any sort of fast paced life where we don't have time to focus on just... thinking? I have to be careful with such things because I have a tendency to over-indulge in the fantasy realm (see above aspirations to be a rock star as opposed to going to grad school.) It's almost like I get a twinge of freedom and have to avoid any responsibility for that time period. Maybe my 7th grade therapist was right and I am actually a tea pot that takes quite a bit of time and then boils over with unstoppable force...

Created By Eugenie and I- A diorama of what we imagine our friend's "dungeon" looks like... We are calling it RackPack since 3 bras were utilized in the making of this very functional diorama/backpack.

overview: the whole thing as we were working on it. note you can hang it or put it on your back very similarly to how you would wear this bra/corset combo in real life...

from a distance, as it was coming along

up close of final scene/imagery... it was interactive as you could twist the computer and whipping wire man from the top! very Sassy...

I'll try to get some of the photos of us trying it on as a backpack and then you'll see the utility. It's the perfect gift for a teenage boy, a porn lovin' girl or I don't know that weird kid in biology class... includes sex toy, alcohol, computers and a fine lace interior: priceless.

Music that I've been listening to all the time of late:

- Uncle Earl's She Waits for Night. It's my bluegrass love shining through. I love anyone willing to use a fiddle or mandolin to belt out their existence. I also love anyone with riverdance sounding toe tapping in the background. I've been seriously contemplating taking up the fiddle to show some respect for my Irish roots. I also secretly like torturing my neighbors by learning a new instrument every few months. By learning I mean I play by ear and screw up a lot and play the same riff over and over and over until even I am annoyed with me. At any rate, I like some of the old-time sounding bluegrass on this album a lot. I've always been a pretty huge fan of folk music- again, the old kind and old style saloon music because my Great Grandfather liked that stuff. Comforting to a degree maybe...

-The White Stripes' Get Behind Me Satan. I have loved this album from day one but it has come back to me lately. I don't know if it's my need to hear what I consider old school electric guitar or my sheer state of rebellion... Great album, Rita Hayworth included.

-Anything Amanda Palmer. Maybe this goes with the bra diorama? I've loved the Dresden Dolls for years but have suddenly had a reoccurring need to hear them and her solo work all the time. There's something comforting about someone willing to talk about life in an ordinary way. Okay so 'ordinary' by my terms may not go over well with everyone else's lunch-- a bit sarcastic, cynical, humorous, honest, trashy yet classy and completely topsy turvy all at once- or on a fluctuating basis... Oh and the cabaret shows... I mean who couldn't love AFP? I am making it a goal to see her live this year. Buy the albums kids, any of them from the self titled first one from the Dresden Dolls to Yes, Virginia and No, Virginia to her solo record, Who Killed Amanda Palmer?... and buy them from her/the dresden dolls directly because there's some sort of record company war (what a surprise): http://www.amandapalmer.net/afp/

- Carla Bruni's "Il Vecchio e il Bambino" on Comme si de rien. That's a beautiful song (I have no idea what it means really, I don't speak Italian and just enjoy singing along to the song.) From what I've read, a very famous Italian folk song from what we'd call in America, the Dust Bowl-type-era. I just made that up but I imagine the dust bowl and this song would have had tea.

That's all for now.

Happy New Year!

xo

Rubik's cubes and Spelling Bees

At the moment I'm giving up on the agonizing task of keeping up on every tiny detail of every political event on a global scale. That's right folks, I've tired of it, however temporarily, and am about to write a "normal person" blog.

Several distracting life elements have graced me of late. Some of which are positive, some of which negative (but with a positive end result?) and some in general "just there".

A.) I am embarking on a 30 day alcohol free (wine included) spree. This is something I had already planned on but solidified after a long weekend of ridiculousness culminating in my firm stance following through beginning this last Saturday. Why?

1. I woke up Saturday believing that my life was over- even if I couldn't remember why or even think of what exactly happened to make me believe that, well... that's just the point could I not remember or was that just another irrational thought popping into my paranoid late 20s what-the-hell-am-I-really-doing-head? Either way, I don't need to even wonder.
   
2. I have several times over internet diagnosed myself (again, irrationally and stupidly) as an alcoholic based on the notion that instead of increasingly building a tolerance eventually alcoholics have none at all: nevermind that I have drank increasingly less for about a year now steadily and honestly decreasing a tolerance save one or few random days where I can drink like superhero. Further, I also took the MAST (Michigan Alcohol Screening Test) and scored a 6 which indicates issues (but is NOT a diagnosis!!)
   
3. My mother is an alcoholic and a drug addict and honestly, I feel it necessary to test my will power being that I am addicted to things like cigarettes, the news, futile relationships and yes, maybe all foods made from dairy. I figure I should start while I am ahead and still have doubts as to whether or not I actually have an actual issue.
   
4. I think I am developing anxiety issues and am certain that hangovers do not help. Note number one. Further, hangovers get worse as one ages and there is nothing worse than spending an entire day sick because you are an idiot.
   

And so it goes. 30 Days of sobriety. Today is day 3 and I honestly don't miss it much (although, it wasn't as if I drank every day before) which is some what reassuring considering what all of the literature says about withdrawal and what not.

B.) Lately I've honestly forgotten how to spell. I know this is something that sounds like it is not a big deal in the age of spell check but it really irritates me! It's not every word but rather, random ones. I'll sit and keep retrying to type it only to have that sad and discouraging underlined misspelled word indication keep reappearing until I have to google the word and figure it out. At that point I am usually surprised that I didn't remember it and annoyed that I was a first rate speller once but appear to be losing that skill. Is my head just becoming too full of made-up words from anthropologists and other social theorists? The annoying component of that is that it is useless in everyday communication unless I want to sound like one of those people that utilizes big words just to sound smart.

C.) I don't own a tv but am addicted to the following programming: 30 Rock, Californication, Bones, V, Weeds and on occasion Nip/Tuck. Only two of those am I addicted to without shame. Also, television programming is very distracting to getting work done. It is really nice to vegetate and watch someone else misstep but I must waste hours per week hunting down these shows online and watching them instead of actually being productive. The plus side is I am more "normal" and instead of just watching news shows, I actually have at least a small amount of information to contribute to casual conversation. The negative: I used to not watch any tv... for years and it wasn't as if I was completely horrible then either.

D.) I have been teaching myself the piano on a regular basis of late. Finally! This is a good thing. I am also teaching myself the mandolin. It is really nice to return to doing something I really love to do even if it means I spend less time researching Illegal Immigration in Italy and Human Rights Violations in Ecuador. Some how it seems much better than say... tv.

E.) I recently solved my Rubik's cube although I am going to admit, I don't know how and I could probably not do it again if I tried!


That concludes this blog of nonsensical things! And it felt okay to not be writing about abstract ideas and social critiques for once! Updates later on the 30 day thing...

Dating? In a (really) Small Town

Let me start this by saying I am not implying at all that I am dating. However, with the coming text it might be easier to understand why. So stop worrying about me mom and dad, I'm saving myself!

Here in fancy Binghamton, NY you really don't have many choices as to where to meet people. You could for example, meet someone at your job- restaurants are notorious for their incestuous- and often times debacherous- relationship formations. You may try the bars/clubs/pubs although that is more of a one-night stand option than an actual dating option, face it: you probably don't want to start a serious relationship with someone who frequents a bar period, but a bar is probably the best place to meet someone. You might meet someone in a fairy tale like moment at the grocery or getting coffee in the morning (or you might meet someone you were dating with their- unbeknownst to you- betrothed there: it is a small town.) It is unlikely however you will meet someone to your liking in a town this size and with the general population make up here.  Either I am really intimidating (one reason another single friend and I like to pin to our lack of dates) to what I would consider "normal" people, or I am really destined to end up with a complete lunatic/bore/idiot not to mention drug addicts/alcoholics/needy people because they are the only people that seem to take interest in me. I'll explain:

Specimen One: You and your friends go out dancing. First, as we sit down our wine in hand and look out at the crowd. To ease the dissatisfaction on the eyes, I take off my glasses because then, I can't see as clearly that everyone looks at least 5 years too young or 20 years too old to be in the bar. With the blurry vision, they just look like people. A friend says to me,"Why is it every time we go out I am further compelled to never date again?" Point taken. We watch everyone dance for a while, only having 2 drinks ourselves and then decide we need to get out of there. So much for dancing...

Specimen Two: Meeting a group of friends for one's going away party. Immediately upon entering what some might describe as a "seedy" bar, we notice there is karaoke. As an obviously intoxicated angry boy screams "Give it Away" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers into the microphone, I attempt to order drinks for my friends. Standing, and by that I mean swaying, next to us is a 50+ man who has obviously outdone himself in the drink department. Think fast Megan... Don't make eye contact. I purchase several drinks, watching him out of the corner of my eye. His eyes keep closing and he starts dancing to the music with them shut, swaying around. I keep praying I won't get crushed when he finally tips. I scan the bar population. Too young, too loud, too drunk. Next up: a girl wearing pajamas starts singing Mariah Carey's "Hero". At first I thought it had to be a joke. Nope. She actually tried to hit those notes. (My ears are still bleeding.) My friends and I decide maybe we don't belong there. We notice that there is an inquisitive looking deer head mounted on the wall wondering what it did in it's lifetime to deserve it; sorry friend, we aren't going to be able to take you... and to think you have to spend your entire afterlife here.

Specimen Three: Our next stop is our regular bar if there is one... it's not crazy there although a very large man decided to stand on a bar stool and yell. He was wearing a shirt that said "Hot" and I was actually for a brief moment, concerned he might take out a semi-automatic weapon and do us all in. I know that is morbid but the news lately leaves much to be desired and I have an overactive imagination. There aren't many things I ask in life but one is that my drink never gets served to me in a plastic cup... particularly if my drink is guinness. There's nothing worse than a guinness in a plastic cup. So I hold onto my cup for dear life. When I try to get another one I tell them to pour it in the same glass. This takes some work and requires me to be apologetic for any inconvenience as well as carry on what appears to have been a misleading conversation I never wanted to have with the bartender. The bartender keeps asking me if I will do shots with her. No. It's not that I don't do shots but I have learned to stop doing them so much in my older age. I keep repeating this obviously to deaf ears,"Thank you very much but I really am not into shots." I turn to look at my friends who are having a strange conversation with a man who put his suede coat (it took him months to pay for it) on the bar and is criticizing us for having potentially spilled drinks on it. What? You put your coat on a bar buddy, get over yourself. Apparently he just recorded a song with Alicia Keys and wants us to go to his studio. Uhm? Don't worry reader, I'm thinking the same thing. 

Specimen Four: Any place I go, I attract the largest lunatic there. I could be getting coffee, at a home improvement store, just walking down the street- it doesn't matter. If there is a crazy person within 2 blocks of me they have some sort of radar that goes off and sends them in direct contact with me. 

Strange Man (SM) 1: "You seem like a nice girl"

Me: "Thanks but I haven't even spoken to you"

SM1: "Yes but I can tell that God has touched you"

Me: "Okay..."

SM1: "God tells me things. He told me I could find a wife today"

Me: "Oh then he probably told you he burned his fingers when he touched me and that you should keep on looking"

SM1: "You're being modest"

Me: "I'm sorry I need to take this call" 

So I run away to talk to myself on my phone pretending it is a dire situation. I feel a sense of guilt for faking dire situations. I think in terms of karma it is a flawed way to divert yourself from a situation. However, what else can I do? I have had plenty of interactions with crazy people. Remember that line," Your eyes are like wheelbarrows full of salt in the moonlight?" I think I'll avoid that in the future. Just cut the talk out immediately. 

Specimen Five: In the not too too distant past I was dating someone who seemed nice enough but obviously was not nice at all. I don't know if it makes someone a lunatic to carry on two lives but it does make them untrustworthy. Bare in mind, not a serious relationship, just dating, but I've learned to wave that red flag like it's no body's business when I see it first come up. Things seemed to be going well enough when one day I walked into a coffeehouse for my morning caffeine dosing when I see the lady I was dating. I start to walk up to her to say hello when I realize she looks horrified. Apparently this "minor detail" AKA her husband had not been disclosed to me. I did the right thing by suppressing the urge to tell him the truth via spewing any number of profanities I could think of right in that moment. After all, I pitied him but it isn't really my place to clear up the matter which he was obviously oblivious to. I've been in his shoes and sometimes, if say, the relationship has any potential of being salvaged (and in my opinion, it doesn't once someone has decided to go about dating other people or even thinks they want to) it is best to just not know of your significant others' indiscretions as then you are faced with the task of truly forgiving them, which sounds good in theory but never really works. Not only that but the thought of my role in that whole bundle of chaos frankly made me sick. I think of cheaters as complete cowards. I also think of the other person- if they know they are- as tactless and foul. I didn't return any phone calls, and didn't even listen to the voice mails. The bull fighter's flag had been waved and there's not a second chance once that happens.

Adventures in Allergy Med Land

There's something really wonderful yet nerve racking about being on medication that makes the world seem like a bubble. When you live alone, you are hyper-aware of your own state constantly so that bubble is somehow magnified into Oz or Wonderland...

Day 1: Scratchy voice. Not sick as in I feel sick, just a scratchy itchy voice. Solution: a couple cough drops and a lot of hot beverages. 

Day 2: Scratchier voice, leaning toward teenage boy, minor headache. I am working so I need something to keep speaking and moving around. Solution: take some sudafed, continue using cough drops and hot beverages.  Let the hallucinatory properties of allergy meds begin! Go straight home from work. You need rest.

Day 3: Ears are plugged and sinus congestion begins. Voice keeps cracking but it doesn't matter because I can't hear it. I didn't try any medication on day 3 because for one I was driving to Aurora and for two, I thought if I just kept moving it would be fine. 'Mind over body' I tell myself. Just keep on and your body will be convinced it is fine! Deciding to really push this theory I go out drinking a bit. Whiskey helps a sore throat right?! Sitting at the bar, chatting with my friends a queen-would-be comes up to me and tells me to get out of his seat. Only in a gay bar would a man kick a woman out of a seat. I say,"I wasn't aware you can save seats in a bar" and get up rolling my eyes. I may have been a little sick and a little cranky but the truth is, you can't save a seat at a bar unless your friends are holding it for you! Besides, it just isn't tactful to kick a girl out of a seat so you can sit there. He must have been an angry fella because he just sat there for 10 minutes then ran away to talk to someone else. Really guy? You just wanted to kick me out eh? I go to another bar with other friends. Oh yeah, it's Valentine's Day and people love love today. Meh. I begin to realize what happens when you haven't been drinking for a few weeks... 

Day 4: Don't leave the house the whole day-day...Wake up with a hangover, burning lungs, a stuffy head, a non-existent voice, and a general feeling of dread. Take allergy meds and begin the process of drinking fluids and blowing my nose every 10 minutes. The meds don't work to my liking after 1.5 hours. Take more. Start to feel really weird.

Take Rogue for a walk and drop her leash about 50 times. Luckily she seems to understand that my mental capacity isn't there and she sticks with me. We make it 3 square blocks but then I need to go home because I'm a little too out of it for walking any further. No that house isn't new and no you aren't lost! Yes, that is a lovely tree but you probably shouldn't walk in someones lawn to get near it.

Strangely enough, I think the medication some how makes me feel so stupid/useless that I start to miss having homework on day 4 for the first time since I graduated. I really want to read something I am forced to or have to write a paper I would normally procrastinate writing until the last minute. Try to read a book on Operation Condor: is this book redundant? No, you just keep reading the same sentence because your comprehension only lasts about 20 seconds at a time. Give up on book with much disappointment. 

Watch internet tv for a couple hours. Order a pizza. Eat pizza, take more meds, and stare at internet tv for another hour. Try to read again, this time the NY Times. Comprehension is still at a startlingly low level. I begin to notice my living room looks like a hospital room: tissues and drugs every place, and I am still in my pajamas at 7pm. This gives me a little anxiety and my OCD kicks in. I am still sitting on the couch but have a feeling of anticipation like I am about to jump up which makes me antsy. I sit in this state torturing myself for at least a half hour before...

I force myself to clean up my mess. This isn't entirely effective because I get distracted (thanks medication!) by staring outside at the neighbors who seem to be having trouble with their car alarm which won't stop going off. Yell,"Just undo the battery!" They look around but can't see me. I realize I just put dishes in the refrigerator and not the sink and laugh at myself. I try to put some things back in my closet (the doomed over-filled closet of 'stuff' I hold onto for what reason I don't know, nostalgia?) and find some old pictures. I plop myself on the floor and go through old photos for a bit. Wait, wasn't I supposed to be... put the photos away and finish cleaning up my living room. 

Walk number 2 with Rogue, this time she wants to chase a neighborhood cat. I give her a pathetic,"No" and she gives me that sad puppy look like I just rained on her parade. "I just don't have the energy today Rogue and the cat is just trying to get by." 

Back to the apartment... Back to reading about Operation Condor. At this point it is pretty late and the day is shot. I come up with a genius idea to write a paper comparing Condor to the present state of US hegemony except trying to utilize information on how it isn't working (attempted US supremacy) because the US has legitimacy, over-extension and over-accumulation issues. Well, it isn't entirely genius. Getting a little too excited I pull out a compilation of Foucault's writing and read about subjectivity for a while, searching for a section I read before and think could be applicable. It takes about 10 minutes for me to fall asleep. 

The whole day took place in a cloudy state and my dreams are incoherent and choppy. I don't know if anyone else has experienced this but if I take allergy medication and fall asleep this always happens; the upside is everything is really vibrantly colored- even if the colors don't make sense. 

Day 5: Wake up. I think that if I open my eyes slowly I'll trick myself into not being sick. Nope. Still sick. So far, no meds today. I have to work and need to not be in a cloud. I've had my coffee and have read the NY Times. We'll see how it goes... 

Rogue tells it how it is...

Twelve hours ago I was jumping out of the shower and scurrying to my job (of which I love but refer to as Food Prostitution to give it more flair than TGIFridays) when it occurred to me that sleeping for a few hours would be really really wonderful. I look over at Rogue who lay sprawled out on her back on the couch, her front limbs stretched above her head and her rear paws reaching as far as they can limply go on that beat up but far too comfy damn orange sectional. She looks like Canaan and I must have when we spent way too much time watching X-Files (or Judge Judy- oh so sad),  lazing about in 1oo degree weather with our eyes wincing from either the heat or a hang over, which we couldn't really tell. I walk over and say her name. No response. I pick up her head and she squints at me with one eye, the other still closed, almost wincing: a warning that it isn't going to work; she's ignoring me. When I let go, her head falls: dead weight. She lets out a little sigh, and in 1 minute is snoring. I was jealous of her afternoon nap briefly but then I realized, she earned it.

I started thinking that maybe I sleep half the day because my neighbors are obnoxious, and Rogue wakes me up to warn me when they are being so. That wasn't very clear... basically they are either fighting loudly or having make up sex loudly at any given moment of the day. Preferably 5 AM but hey... noon is okay too, and so is 5 PM. Prior to my neighbor's girlfriend living there- and I don't really know she lives there but I hear her shrill voice often enough to assume she must- he was a really quiet guy. Other than the occasional sound of video games and death metal, never a peep. Actually, I still never hear him. I just hear the sound of a late teenage or early 20-something speaking all too loudly (and therefore identifying her age, or maybe complete instability at age 40):

"He has a girlfriend you f*%k!" (she definitely cheated)

"You never listen to me!" (How cliche. For the record: he has no choice, they can hear you in mongolia)

"Please just stop being such an as#$%le!" (please?! Really lady?)

"You are soooo stupid!" (but you sound so stupid)

(And other things of which I don't want to hear- and certainly not speak about- but we've all fallen victim to that as part of life in an apartment setting.)

When this happens Rogue and I scowl at the wall wishing we had some sort of superpower where we could either instantly stitch her mouth shut, freeze her or maybe just drop a pan on her head. Rogue lets out a little growl, quietly. 

 

Rogue is really intuitive... she knows when people are freaks. In fact, she has never disliked anyone I have had in my home save one woman who came to my house a few years ago with a friend. She was peculiar as it was but when she asked us to play a "sex game" she had in the car, we were all blown away. Luckily, none of us played this "sex game", thinking the request really strange of someone we had met just a few hours before. I imagine now it would have ended something like this: all of us tied up with cuts all over our bodies like the husband no one knew she had. Rogue hated her. She growled at her under her breath and backed away from her. At the time I thought Rogue was just being inexplicably moody but after I read the story in the paper, I decided to trust her instinct. If she growls in a fearful but harmless way at some one's voice... stay away! Rogue is right about them and a girl like me could use a side kick who, unlike myself, isn't amused by crazy people (remember when I prayed with that old lady from the cult on the Commons for an hour and was late to work? Yeah, I felt bad for her, but an hour?! And the horror of watching Jesus' crucifixion in flip-book form!)

So I realize, maybe I don't get the afternoon nap, and maybe I need to pimp the potatoes but hey, at least I know I don't have to keep track of the neighbors because Rogue does it for me. Rogue is well beyond the sacrifice of being woken up at 5 AM, and I am now too. I love that little growl...

 

At the Library

There are several ways to look at graduating with a useless degree. One is that you have a lot of time to contemplate the several other degrees you might have earned if you were more patient, cared about the subject, or just, I don't know, focused a little. This route, is not recommended because it really is self-annihilating. The second way to look at at: there are about a million other people with useless degrees so why worry? I mean most of the HDev and English majors have even lower odds of getting a job. The last way is well, maybe that psychology BA is pointless but now you will be forced to have an MA or phD (think wisely and you'll only need an MA!) which isn't so horrible and when you really think about it, is probably a really good thing. Especially if you are a dork most of the time anyway: may as well find yourself traipsing about the library for another 2-6 years. The girl at the circulation desk is nice and sometimes even lets you take books out without signing them out.

This brings me to another point: no one uses the library. Well, they use it to touch the over-shared computers and spread germs all over while they do things like use Facebook (I swear I am starting a "Crackbook Rehab" for at least a few people), buy shoes online, watch cartoons, or ahem, blog. I personally never use those computers due to the prior mentioned germ factor but... on rare occasion I am compelled to use it to print something and can never seem to use it due to the other people NOT doing anything. In terms of books though, no one uses them. Internet research.  I can't say I am critiquing the lack of library use: it IS easier to just do it from home. What makes me happy about it is that one can hide in the library among the books because there is no one else to find you. As the floors go up, only half the lights are on to conserve energy; almost like a horror movie where the florescent light is flickering ever so slightly among the rows of knowledge past. You can read here in quiet, nap, eat a sandwich or an entire meal including a bottle of wine because there is no chance anyone will interrupt and if there is someone else, they will likely lay out their own picnic or pillow. Library users are a rare breed. I have to admit, I wouldn't mind being a librarian, if only I thought librarians would have jobs in the future. It's like the job of the village soothsayer who fumbles through the dusty leafs and exclaims, "Here it is, I knew I had it. The story of man!" This version of the story of man, unlike the internet, is solid in form. Maybe for that reason it is outdated- things change so quickly these days and it is easier to update a website than reprint a million books. Yet, there's a serenity afforded by turning the pages and holding onto someone's master work. At least I think so. I was recently at a museum where I saw 15th and 16th century books, handwritten and decorated with real gold. I would give a kidney to own one just because it is handwritten. Maybe I should have been born in another time?

Back to the job hunt...  When you are looking both for jobs and for graduate schools, life is a little hectic. I figured I'd work on both and then make a decision. Honestly, I could use the year off from the pressure of either thing. Working full time and going to school full time throughout the undergrad experience wasn't particularly terrible but at times was exhausting. I was convinced at one point that days were not 24 hours but were closer to 36 or 48. I even thought they were 72 at one point but the almost-dementia related to that length of a day was not worth it. I continue hunting. I had an offer to teach in China, and I just received, from posting to a job site, a few invitations to apply for some other jobs. None of them really fascinate me, and they don't pay well enough for me to overlook that. 

I'm compiling a list of graduate schools... The New School, Berkley, Syracuse University (Maxwell), CB: maybe Boston (Chomsky is there after all), John Hopkins, and then all the fancy 'big name' schools that I don't know whether or not I could get into without giving away a kidney.  Right now, I am just aiming to get into a program that suits my needs. After 26 years of living I have decided what my calling is and know what to study- finally- the where part is the hard part. It is important to get the where right because I'll be spending considerable time there. The 'what' will be basically the same any place I go because that depends extensively on me. 

Now think back to high school when they told us if we went to college we'd have insta-job. They forgot the asterisk and the "some restrictions may apply" part. But I will say, it has been an interesting adventure to get here and it will be even more interesting to see where else this venture goes.

Our Great Nation... Adventures in the News

I try not to post this frequently, but given my last blog, it seems appropriate enough. I just wanted to post a few headlines that caught my eye from the last couple weeks...


Headlines for today:
CNN.com 1, 12:26 pm: The U.S. entered a recession in December 2007, according to the National Bureau of Economic Research.
CNN.com 2, 4:17 pm: The Dow closes down about 680 points, as manufacturing hits a 26-year low and the U.S. is declared to be in a recession.

Okay people, synchronize! I know the government until now has denied any real recession but wasn't it obvious what would happen when it happened in other countries in the last decade? Does anyone remember the Asian Financial Crisis? You know, the EXACT same thing happened but the US decided to use the EXACT same B.S. band-aid on the current crisis instead of oh I don't know, trying to REFORM the system? Maybe if we hired economists that didn't own/run huge corporations...

Other news bits that I find ironic given the above:

The New York Times: An Abundance of Food, Wasted: Each Day, America wastes enough food to fill Madison Square Garden. Okay so maybe all of our food is processed frankenfood but we don't actually eat it. We just get it because we can and toss it.

Democracy Now!: Wal-Mart Worker Crushed to Death in Early Morning Stampede of Shoppers on Black Friday I see buying cheap plastic crap manufactured by children did not fall into the recession category.

The New York Times: The Labor Department is racing to complete a new rule, strenuously opposed by President-elect Barack Obama, that would make it much harder for the government to regulate toxic substances and hazardous chemicals to which workers are exposed on the job. Uh maybe we can fix the growing unemployment rate by killing off people so we don't have to employ them? I mean why bother with quality of life or I don't know, keeping the planet around for people to live on?

Important to me personally:

The New York Times: Researchers have discovered that a compound in red wine may reverse the chromosomal aging process. So all along, I've been making myself YOUNGER by drinking wine! Wonderful!

Telegraph.co.UK: Lawyers call for international court for the environment: A former chairman of the Bar Council is calling for an international court for the environment to punish states that fail to protect wild life and prevent climate change. It's about time someone said this. I think the only successful multilateral organization that should be left (aside from the UN itself) is one that deals with the environment. I liked this one after reading our Labor Department wants to poison our workers...

The Huffington Post: Ann Coulter's Jaw Wired Shut! I wonder if she'll write a liberal book about how god showed her she was evil? I hope it stays shut for a long long time.

The Guardian.co.UK: Melissa Etheridge withholds taxes over gay marriage row. It's about time we thought of a smarter way to deal with equal rights. If the government thinks they are losing money through gay marriage, I wonder how much they'd lose if gay people just didn't pay taxes? The whole framework needs to be re-written in such a way that "marriage" is removed from legal documentation and is replaced with "civil union" or something of that nature so church and state can finally be separate. Props to Etheridge though. I hope Ellen Degeneres jumps on the wagon too...

These are, of course, just a few headlines. There are others. MANY others. Maybe even too many. I'm constantly overwhelmed by the news. From these headlines here's my take:

I hope the US is humbled in recession. I hope we can learn to be an individualist society that is still concerned with the interconnectedness of all humans and all life. I think massive poverty is one way that is going to happen and although it terrifies me and I feel bad for the suffering that will soon explode here, I am grateful that it may actually make us less robotic consumers and more human. I'm somehow happy that the US and Europe are both facing these problems because it's about time the Roman Empire remnants disappeared. I am grateful for the people that are my friends and that I am close with because most of them are progressive enough to see the changes that need to happen. I am constantly scared our voices won't be heard, but I have faith that humans can be altruistic. Yes, I think we can.

procrastination is highly underrated

There are several ways to avoid doing work that I can think of. One is to spend hours youtubing your life away. Another is to convince yourself that today is the obvious day to tackle cleaning that absurd closet you have been avoiding cleaning for 2 years. You also need to call your Grandmother, sister, 15th cousin... Maybe you should meditate for an hour or so. Now you need a nap. Maybe after you eat something (and it probably involves cheese product or tater tots in some fashion or another) you'll feel better and more focused. You should watch the rain for a few minutes, it is really soothing. Don't forget to walk the dog an extra mile. Read everything in your house except the article you need to be reading, then move on to the latest internet gossip about Lindsay Lohan's gayness which is really important when you consider the lack of long-haired lesbians being stalked by the paparazzi (sorry Portia, but since you are actually out, it's just not as amusing.) Maybe you should organize your thoughts for a bit while taking the longest bath in history. Now you need to do the dishes. A side note: if you live alone, you procrastinate more because no one reminds you that you are procrastinating and you only have your conscience to deal with. After a while, your conscience gets confused and it too begins rationalizing procrastination. Besides, isn't the voice in your head just your voice anyway? 

Some people are particularly poor at it: they have their papers done 2 weeks ahead of schedule, they have your birthday gift for next year 4 days after your current birthday, and they most definitely get a sick sense of gratification from writing lists and crossing off accomplishments in planners. My lists are all in my head so I don't have to see the hard evidence of the tasks I am avoiding. Why are those people always commended for "productivity"? I mean, isn't it just as productive to do exactly what you feel like doing? Okay, maybe not by society's standards- you should all be producers, consumers, producers... I deserve an award for breaking the cycle boldly and without the slightest degree of guilt for letting the system down! I could compete with the best of procrastinators, putting off a particular project or item for literal months. I often wonder if I really just don't want to do it or if I just put it off because I can. That's right folks... rebelling against the organized is quite the hobby. Is procrastination a hobby? It might be, it's something I like to do to pass the time. I don't think it is laziness necessarily, it's more like inverse OCD.

Maybe all the things I am avoiding are just boring. That could be the case: why always blame the procrastinator and not blame the boring task?! Or maybe I am a masochist and I like to rush around right before something is due to complete it. I might just work better when I am under pressure, and am otherwise bored with the pace of life. When you look at it that way it makes the organized seem weak and incapable of true multitasking.

 I think I like that angle.

Fermented Fruit...

Important lessons can be learned when you aren't as coherent as you have convinced yourself you are. In fact, it might be a necessary voyage for some of us. You know, that sort of bold state of existence after that glass (gallon) of wine you managed to drink without realizing. One of two things happens: 1. You think you've just solved the existential dilemma of the year or 2. You put your foot so far in your mouth that you are certain you'll have to have it surgically removed. I try to steer clear of no. 2, but it seems I never fail to jump back on the sea saw after many close calls in the imagined surgery room.

The Fun Comes First:
There's really nothing more humorous than dancing with yourself in a mirror in an effort to mimic a conceited gay man dancing in a mirror next to you. This leads to several new dance "moves" which include blowing kisses at yourself, jumping fake rope, and maybe even pretending to break dance if you're feeling particularly energetic. This is all the more fun when you have a partner (or 2 or 3) in crime that is as unapologetically drunk and lacking in seriousness as you. A note should be taken that I only started dancing ever in the last year or so. I am not sure if I am drunk more often now or just lost any sense of inhibition or embarrassment for myself.

If you are fortunate enough to have a creepy guy near you, you get to exercise your right to say things you normally would only mumble or say in your head. Point: It is extremely rude to remove someones straw from their drink if you do not know them. Actually, it's rude if you do know them. GERMS people. Let it be known as well: if someone tries to fondle my friends, chances are I will give them an earful. In fact, if I have been drinking, I will probably make their head spin and their ears bleed with a whole array of rambling hard to follow statements. I might throw large words in there, or existential questions just to irritate, and likely confuse. No decent person would just walk up to a random person and think they have the right to just touch them. Period. Lastly, if they keep moving their chair closer even after I have said," I wouldn't waste my time if I were you", chances are I will eventually dump a drink on them.

Another really fascinating thing is the chip sandwich. I am not sure how this has happened in my life but my two best friends have these two things in common: 1. They can drink a lot of wine and 2. They eat sandwiches with chips on them. This particular sandwich was made at around 2am. It contained taziki, tomato, lettuce, mustard, and chips on pita. What makes this really interesting is the fact that it cost $3 but my friend was willing to pay $10 for the process. This particular sandwich also became communal and largely ended up all over the table.

Then...
You somehow manage to find yourself gracefully moving on to the next phase, the existential state of 'definitely intoxicated.' This is where the conversation goes on in spite of itself. You get to ask questions like: Why are we here? What if everything is constructed and we aren't really here but not here? What if the Earth is meant to be destroyed by global warming? Don't you think it's funny we think we have any idea about the Universe? What is the Universe anyway? Did I turn off the coffee maker? Did we really do that? Now if you're as lucky as I am, you've found a worthy conversationalist and are buckled into the verbal Magic School Bus. You might make a lot of U-turns, but a lot of ground is covered and eventually you exhaust yourselves and fall asleep. The point isn't the sleep though, it is the adventure. Even if you haven't answered any of these questions, more than likely you have at least convinced yourself of the answer and with any luck written it down (for later humor if nothing else.)

I have this theory that extremely intelligent people usually have a love for the drinks and/or any other mind altering substance(s). Maybe this is my way of trying to get out of giving up my love for fermented grapes. The idea though, is that you get to leave the day where you are constantly-maybe-too-coherently worried about whatever you can possibly sum up to worry about (usual things: bills, love/family, deadlines, life decisions/not so usual things: weird toe, penguins, that crooked picture on the wall) and enter into this parallel universe of thinking freely about them instead of rationally. Yes, escaping rationality. I think you have to do it or else that scribble called our brains would turn into all scribbles, just a big blackhole, and we wouldn't have any room to move.

And no, I haven't had anything to drink today.

Economic Meltdown (?), the Election, and all those other "things" on our minds lately

I have to admit, I've been extremely distracted by all of the events going on in the US right now. The largest 2 (most obvious, I should say), being the election and the crumbling of our Casino Street ecomony. What concerns me right now is how little these things actually intersect, or at least, how little it seems either of our presidential candidates seem to understand that they actually do.

During the second Presidential debate neither candidate was willing to actually point out to Americans that the economy will get worse before it gets better. This is contrary to statements released by Paulson (Treasury), Roubini (academic), the International Monetary Fund (IMF), World Bank, and I should mention that the debt ticker in NY is no longer long enough to show our actual debt (the new one will go up next year, probably to calm panic when people see it daily.) This includes the crumbling of other global economic systems (see the disasters in the European and the Asian markets for details) which- whether or not we'd like to admit it, are highly related to the function and stabilization of our own economy. Both candidates also seemed to endorse the bail-out plan, while neither candidate seemed to be able to state exactly what that bail-out did/will do to alleviate the rippling effects of Casino Street's now 6th straight day of loss on the average American. A point of clarification: by average I mean lower middle class and poor and in the last decades we can also add: complete poverty level Americans. The wealthy- corporate elite and government employees- are not considered "average Americans" to me, and how anyone could consider them as such is far beyond my comprehension. What this bail-out has essentially done is add a taxpayer financed patch to a corrupt system without any true restructuring to prevent this from happening again in 2 weeks, one month, 6 months, etc... I should be clear now in saying that it is not the bail-out specifically I oppose but rather, the entire de-regulated, neoliberal economic policies of the US that have gotten us (and most of the world) into this mess. The bail-out fails to address that. The presidential candidates also fail to address this. In fact, I am almost certain that Washington is part of the reason that 'neoliberal' isn't even listed as a true word in American dictionaries because to them we are just a "capitalist democracy" legitimized by tagging democracy to every possible word we can. News to Washington: we are capitalist, yes. A democracy? Not by a long shot. Americans should be calling our govenrment out on this abuse of the word.

Now, I still stand strong on my vote against McCain. Not because I believe that he and Obama are drastically different candidates. They are I suspect, largely different humans with largely different ideologies. However, I doubt either of them will be able to accomplish much on this 'compromise with the already in place system' tickets they both fall on. At the end of the day, I can barely tell the difference between the democrans and republicrats with their US Empire/imperialist policies of the last half century. I have to admit too that any elected president after George Bush will face a tremendous workload, and will need to possess a keen ability to rationalize which issues need to be tackled first. I hope what they include as a prime focus is the welfare of the people of this nation without whom they would fail to have any legitimacy. What I hope they are able to see is that globalization has not worked and local economy needs to be focused on to ensure a stabilized nation at all, let alone a powerful one. Face it: we cannot help our own with all of our jobs overseas, massive wars being fought and funded by external sources, with no access to healthcare for MOST Americans, with post-dated policies and officials enforcing them, with our civil liberties and rights slipping through the cracks unknowingly. America is in a tragic state of potential disrepair.

As a suggestion, I urge everyone to start living more conservative lifestyles. This government injection into Casino Street will cause inflation. Money is going to be sparse. If the government does buy banks to free loan availability be wary that these loans are now a speculative measure to pay off the debt used to boost Casino Street. This is a circular loop of self-defeat. I urge everyone to contact their local, state, and federal representatives to push forward a global, multilateral solution to this problem. Not a US-led solution. A democratically created and approved global solution. I urge US citizens to support global systems such as the United Nations, by telling your representatives they are wrong to bypass the UN in making decisions such as military interventions. In essence I urge US citizens to step down from our role of "global leader" to a role as "global citizen". It is imperative to the success of humanity on more levels than just economics.