There's something really wonderful yet nerve racking about being on medication that makes the world seem like a bubble. When you live alone, you are hyper-aware of your own state constantly so that bubble is somehow magnified into Oz or Wonderland...
Day 1: Scratchy voice. Not sick as in I feel sick, just a scratchy itchy voice. Solution: a couple cough drops and a lot of hot beverages.
Day 2: Scratchier voice, leaning toward teenage boy, minor headache. I am working so I need something to keep speaking and moving around. Solution: take some sudafed, continue using cough drops and hot beverages. Let the hallucinatory properties of allergy meds begin! Go straight home from work. You need rest.
Day 3: Ears are plugged and sinus congestion begins. Voice keeps cracking but it doesn't matter because I can't hear it. I didn't try any medication on day 3 because for one I was driving to Aurora and for two, I thought if I just kept moving it would be fine. 'Mind over body' I tell myself. Just keep on and your body will be convinced it is fine! Deciding to really push this theory I go out drinking a bit. Whiskey helps a sore throat right?! Sitting at the bar, chatting with my friends a queen-would-be comes up to me and tells me to get out of his seat. Only in a gay bar would a man kick a woman out of a seat. I say,"I wasn't aware you can save seats in a bar" and get up rolling my eyes. I may have been a little sick and a little cranky but the truth is, you can't save a seat at a bar unless your friends are holding it for you! Besides, it just isn't tactful to kick a girl out of a seat so you can sit there. He must have been an angry fella because he just sat there for 10 minutes then ran away to talk to someone else. Really guy? You just wanted to kick me out eh? I go to another bar with other friends. Oh yeah, it's Valentine's Day and people love love today. Meh. I begin to realize what happens when you haven't been drinking for a few weeks...
Day 4: Don't leave the house the whole day-day...Wake up with a hangover, burning lungs, a stuffy head, a non-existent voice, and a general feeling of dread. Take allergy meds and begin the process of drinking fluids and blowing my nose every 10 minutes. The meds don't work to my liking after 1.5 hours. Take more. Start to feel really weird.
Take Rogue for a walk and drop her leash about 50 times. Luckily she seems to understand that my mental capacity isn't there and she sticks with me. We make it 3 square blocks but then I need to go home because I'm a little too out of it for walking any further. No that house isn't new and no you aren't lost! Yes, that is a lovely tree but you probably shouldn't walk in someones lawn to get near it.
Strangely enough, I think the medication some how makes me feel so stupid/useless that I start to miss having homework on day 4 for the first time since I graduated. I really want to read something I am forced to or have to write a paper I would normally procrastinate writing until the last minute. Try to read a book on Operation Condor: is this book redundant? No, you just keep reading the same sentence because your comprehension only lasts about 20 seconds at a time. Give up on book with much disappointment.
Watch internet tv for a couple hours. Order a pizza. Eat pizza, take more meds, and stare at internet tv for another hour. Try to read again, this time the NY Times. Comprehension is still at a startlingly low level. I begin to notice my living room looks like a hospital room: tissues and drugs every place, and I am still in my pajamas at 7pm. This gives me a little anxiety and my OCD kicks in. I am still sitting on the couch but have a feeling of anticipation like I am about to jump up which makes me antsy. I sit in this state torturing myself for at least a half hour before...
I force myself to clean up my mess. This isn't entirely effective because I get distracted (thanks medication!) by staring outside at the neighbors who seem to be having trouble with their car alarm which won't stop going off. Yell,"Just undo the battery!" They look around but can't see me. I realize I just put dishes in the refrigerator and not the sink and laugh at myself. I try to put some things back in my closet (the doomed over-filled closet of 'stuff' I hold onto for what reason I don't know, nostalgia?) and find some old pictures. I plop myself on the floor and go through old photos for a bit. Wait, wasn't I supposed to be... put the photos away and finish cleaning up my living room.
Walk number 2 with Rogue, this time she wants to chase a neighborhood cat. I give her a pathetic,"No" and she gives me that sad puppy look like I just rained on her parade. "I just don't have the energy today Rogue and the cat is just trying to get by."
Back to the apartment... Back to reading about Operation Condor. At this point it is pretty late and the day is shot. I come up with a genius idea to write a paper comparing Condor to the present state of US hegemony except trying to utilize information on how it isn't working (attempted US supremacy) because the US has legitimacy, over-extension and over-accumulation issues. Well, it isn't entirely genius. Getting a little too excited I pull out a compilation of Foucault's writing and read about subjectivity for a while, searching for a section I read before and think could be applicable. It takes about 10 minutes for me to fall asleep.
The whole day took place in a cloudy state and my dreams are incoherent and choppy. I don't know if anyone else has experienced this but if I take allergy medication and fall asleep this always happens; the upside is everything is really vibrantly colored- even if the colors don't make sense.
Day 5: Wake up. I think that if I open my eyes slowly I'll trick myself into not being sick. Nope. Still sick. So far, no meds today. I have to work and need to not be in a cloud. I've had my coffee and have read the NY Times. We'll see how it goes...
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